I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
