bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
