OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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