Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
