I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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