Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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