my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
