thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
