Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
