I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
