So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
