The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
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