I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
