I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
