ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
