I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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