There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
