My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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