Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
