There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
