she was so not down for the gang bang
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
