Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
