i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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