Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
