the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
