just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
