Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
