There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I wish I only lived at night.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
