I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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