Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
