Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
