I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
MIDGETS
????
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
