so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
