I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
