I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
