He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
