Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
