My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
