i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
