The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Randomize
