I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
