Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Oh god it's open bar.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
