I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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