there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
