i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I wear drunk well.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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