Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
