i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
