the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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