forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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