You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
